toramorigan:

ashazzminscreed:

omfgcate:

dqdbpb:

we’re halfway thru april, u know what tht means?

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#ITS GONNA BE MAY

HOW DOES THIS MAKE ME LAUGH EVERY FUCKING YEAR!?

Fkdkskgoskhlskosofksbshajakak holy shit

beelzeburg:

This is… not any less creepy in daylight

mmmbuttery:

queelez:

lord-of-the-nerds:

discordion:

When he was 2 years old, he fell out of a second story window and fractured his skull
When he was 6 years old, he mistakenly drank boric acid.
When he was 9 years old, he fell over a small cliff and broke his leg.
When he was 11 years old, he contracted measles and was in a coma for nine days.
When he was 14 years old, he broke his arm when he caught it in a carriage door.
When he was 19 years old, he was struck on the head by a falling brick.
When he was 23 years old, he almost died from the effects of tainted wine.
When he was 29 years old, Adolph Sax invented the saxophone.

clearly someone didn’t want that saxophone invented 

#incompetent time-travelling saxophone haters

rob-anybody  -#i just want this to be a movie#starring christopher walken and dwayne johnson
"You had one job!"  The Master scowled.  "If the saxophone is developed, there will be too much bad incidental sex music in movies.  We can not allow that to happen!""I tried.  And I tried."  The assassin looked defiant."And tried, and tried, and failed.  And FAILED."  The Master looked at the glowing screen, which showed the slide show of every attempt made on the Boy’s life."We still delayed saxophone development by years."  The assassin was always one to look on the bright side of life.  Especially since it was his life now that was on the line.
"And with every attempt, you have made him stronger!  He’s almost 30 now!"  The Master pointed at the last series of shots, of a tall, beautiful brown-skinned man slowly taking off his cravat and unbuttoning his frilly shirt, revealing amazing developed pectorals and seriously cut abs the smooth skin marred with several scars.  The subject turned, and the tight-fitting trousers failed, much like the assassin, to conceal the magic within.  "Look at him!"
"I am - I am!"
"Not like that!"  The Master slapped his riding crop across the screen, startling the assassin.  "You’re going to have to go back.  Try again."
"Okay."
The Master looked grim.  “Try not to sound so happy.”

mmmbuttery:

queelez:

lord-of-the-nerds:

discordion:

When he was 2 years old, he fell out of a second story window and fractured his skull

When he was 6 years old, he mistakenly drank boric acid.

When he was 9 years old, he fell over a small cliff and broke his leg.

When he was 11 years old, he contracted measles and was in a coma for nine days.

When he was 14 years old, he broke his arm when he caught it in a carriage door.

When he was 19 years old, he was struck on the head by a falling brick.

When he was 23 years old, he almost died from the effects of tainted wine.

When he was 29 years old, Adolph Sax invented the saxophone.

clearly someone didn’t want that saxophone invented 

#incompetent time-travelling saxophone haters

rob-anybody  -

"You had one job!"  The Master scowled.  "If the saxophone is developed, there will be too much bad incidental sex music in movies.  We can not allow that to happen!"

"I tried.  And I tried."  The assassin looked defiant.

"And tried, and tried, and failed.  And FAILED."  The Master looked at the glowing screen, which showed the slide show of every attempt made on the Boy’s life.

"We still delayed saxophone development by years."  The assassin was always one to look on the bright side of life.  Especially since it was his life now that was on the line.

"And with every attempt, you have made him stronger!  He’s almost 30 now!"  The Master pointed at the last series of shots, of a tall, beautiful brown-skinned man slowly taking off his cravat and unbuttoning his frilly shirt, revealing amazing developed pectorals and seriously cut abs the smooth skin marred with several scars.  The subject turned, and the tight-fitting trousers failed, much like the assassin, to conceal the magic within.  "Look at him!"

"I am - I am!"

"Not like that!"  The Master slapped his riding crop across the screen, startling the assassin.  "You’re going to have to go back.  Try again."

"Okay."

The Master looked grim.  “Try not to sound so happy.”

faptop:

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD WHY IS MY SENSE OF HUMOR THIS TERRIBLE

typhonatemybaby:

mishawinsexster:

Friendly reminder that the Duckbill Platypus is not beaver sized but the tiniest most cutest patootie being in existence 

OH GOD

i thought these things were the size of like, large cats or something. ITS FUCKING TINY JESUS

the-butt-prince-ike:

tastefullyoffensive:

Coloring Book Corruptions

Related: Hipster Dinosaurs

ok i’ve been staring at the one with Goofy and Pluto for like 10 minutes now and still don’t get it. Someone more clever or less innocent explain?

davidtennantspants:

I HAVE SEARCHED ACROSS THE AGES FOR THIS GIFSET

hotwinger:

Things I don’t wanna mothafuckin talk about:

  • My mothafuckin acne
  • How mothafuckin tired I look
  • My mothafuckin future
  • My mothafuckin eating habits

Things I DO wanna mothafuckin talk about:

  • This mothafuckin SMILIN PIGGY IN A BLANKET:

image

LOOK AT HOW CUTE THAT LIL FUCKER IS. THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MOTHAFUCKIN MADE OF.

dreamybean:

starfleetinginterest:

what if the coins you find randomly at the bottom of drawers and in between couch cushions are actually from spiders trying to pay rent

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